French queen Marie Antoinette was not so bad. After all, she innocently told starving peasants “If you don’t have bread, eat cake”. In any case, it has to be granted that cake is routinely eaten by human beings all over the world. But Sonia Gandhi’s pet dog Jairam Ramesh asked leaders of Left parties to eat dog food if they dig not like Palaniappan – Chidambaram Chettiar’s bullshit budget. Business Standard (March 2, 2007) reported this incident in “Chinese Whispers” on page 14. We must welcome this very practical suggestion because Left (kept) parties also wag their tails and support this dog-forsaken government which believes in eliminating poverty by killing the poor systematically.
So henceforth all of us should eat dog food which we rightfulty deserve. Looks like people get the food and governments they deserve. Ordinary food like bread and milk are meant only for the pet dogs of foreign pedigree residing at Pali Hill, Napean Sea Road and Malabar Hill… But let us first feed some dog biscuits to the cheating Chettiyar from Kandanur… live on TV… After all, the Chettiyar family must lead by example… Samir Jain’s Times Now TV must cover this grand event live just like the Times of India (March 2, 2007) has carried exclusive photographs of the cheating Chettiar’s ancestral house in Kandanur, Sivagangai, on’p.19.
Since the cheating Chettiar is also a lawyer representing Coca Cola India, the company may even start a special brand of premium dog food called Thiruvalluvar and Thirukkural. And rightly so. Because the cheating Chettiar has used Thiruvalluvar as a marketing tool and mascot for his doggone budget. Samir Jain can, of course, be expected to purchase a 2% stake in the new venture and promote both the brands as usual in all Times Group publications. Other guys who must eat dog food and lead by example are Jairam Ramesh, Montek Singh Ahluwalia and Manmohan Singh.
A dog food carnival should be organised in a five-star hotel… Rashtrapati. Bhavan should also include dog food in the menu… Talk of eating humble pie. All government bureaucrats should also eat dog food…Once they have eaten enough dog food and sodomised each other doggie style, they are likely to become common man’s best friends…
After all, a dog is man’s best friend… Once these fellows become common man’s best friends, maybe, they will learn to appreciate useless things like farmers committing suicide, malnutritioned children, falling water tables etc… It would also be a nice idea to make dogs our national animal – 3 dogs and Ashok Chakra. After all, in India all of us quietly, loyally and faithfully obey our bosses’ bullshit orders like dogs. Dogs bark once in a while, but we always wag our tails. We also backbite each other with dogged determination… So, what if you must pay too much EMI on housing loans? Who asked you to stay in flats? You can always stay in kennels.
Soon HDFC and ICICI- Bank may start lending kennel loans. Others who don’t get these loans can always be street dogs or stray dogs because the Public Distribution System is in very bad shape and is already being dismantled. But that need not worry you because several “saintly” women like Maneka are always busy setting up several NGOs for the welfare of street dogs and strays. So, you will get to pose with nude celebs like Pamela Anderson at the local Lion’s Club, for photographs which will be carried in the media… You can also complain to the Society to Prevent Cruelty to Animals (SPCA) and People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) whenever your bosses violate your animal rights, since human rights simply don’t exist under our Banias, bullshitting bosses and politicians.
So simply eat whatever you are given by your masters like press barons, Banias, bullshitting bosses and politicians, just like you publish all releases handed over by corporate communications and public relations pimps without any complaints or indigestion whatsoever.
If you can digest bullshit press releases every day, dog food should not be too difficult to digest at all. You will surely get used to it. In fact, over a period, you will not only enjoy it but also prefer eating dog food. But if the Samir Jains of the world insist on feeding you dogs called Prostitutes and WHORE- nailsets with pure vegetarian food, do not run to SPCA or PETA to complain, because these are all run by rich vegetarian Gujarati, Marwadi and Jain Banias who are determined to make you eat vegetarian food, especially when they know you don’t enjoy it. Bon appetite. Life’s not such a bitch.
